“Nurturing Our Neglected Areas”

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We all have them. Neglected areas, no-go zones, niggly frustrated parts, stretches of nothing – those periods of time when we’re low on money, work, sex, love, well-being, fun, fitness, focus, connection or contentment – nobody’s life is totally balanced. Well, nobody I know anyway.

To assist you in identifying your impoverished areas, try the ‘Life Pie’ exercise in my previous blog post:

Middle Age, Money and Making Changes

Nurturing our neglected areas, to bring balance & change

Next, ask yourself how you feel about this area of your life being less fulfilled than others. It’s only a problem if you say it is. Not everyone is fussed about family or further education, for example. As the artists and directors of our lives, we choose which part of the picture we wish to work on.

If you are not satisfied with how things stand and you wish to make a change, here are SIX STEPS to set you on your way:

1. Shine a light of POSITIVE ATTENTION:

If a particular part of your life is lacking, you’ve probably not invested in it or have been negative in your thinking about it. It’s only human to feel frustration, sadness and loss, at times, but giving it negative attention – like wallowing, worrying, obsessing or beating yourself up – is only going to compound your negative experience. Make a conscious choice to bring it ‘into the light’ and feed it with some positivity. Remember this Hawaiian proverb: “Energy flows where attention goes”.

2. Give it TIME:

I’m definitely no stranger to procrastination, but one little tool that has worked really well for me is the ‘5 minutes a day’ challenge. It’s especially useful when trying to install new habits and practices. Most of us would probably agree, the hardest part is always starting. So – whether it’s my voice practice, yoga poses or meditation – 5 minutes is a ‘contract’ I can consent to, however tired or resistant I’m feeling. I set the alarm on my phone – and 9 times out of 10 I continue way past the deadline!

I also use this tactic to face up to things I’ve been avoiding, e.g.: 30 minutes – to give some positive attention to my finances. This might involve brainstorming ideas and action points, phoning my bank, or going through a pile of paperwork. It’s amazing how much better I always feel when I do something positive and constructive, however small. Make it a manageable amount of time – and set the alarm!

3. TALK to someone you trust:

It’s not always easy to share the stuff we’re struggling with, especially the things we’re ashamed or embarrassed about, but it can make all the difference. Pick someone you trust, that you know will be supportive and positive. Tell them what you are trying to change and what obstacles you are coming up against. Getting out of your head and really connecting with someone can bring much-needed relief and new insights. In my experience, talking things through usually connects me with my own clarity and wisdom, but I can’t always get there on my own. So arrange to chat with a friend or family member, or – if you’re ready to dive in – try a few sessions with a counsellor, therapist, life coach or mentor.

4. Use an AFFIRMATION:

If you’re unsure of the validity or value of affirmations, try starting from this premise: If we’re in an internal dialogue with ourselves most of the time, isn’t it better to be thinking and telling ourselves good things rather than bad? Put simply, affirmations are a way of ‘changing the record’ – not only to something positive, but also to something specific that supports the change we are seeking. Affirmations need to be phrased in the positive and in the present tense, focusing on what it is you wish to bring into your life, not what you want rid of!

The magic ingredient is the feeling. If repeating your affirmation does not make you feel good – happy, hopeful, excited – then you haven’t found the right one yet! Focus on the area of your life which is most in need of attention, find a good statement that rings true for you, and then repeat it as many times as you can throughout the day. Use ‘dead time’ like driving to work, showering or waiting for the kettle to boil. Try to suspend your scepticism about it for at least 2-3 weeks, then review.

35 Affirmations That Will Change Your Life – Huffington Post

The Science of Self-Affirmations – The Emotion Machine

5. Set up a SUPPORTIVE STRUCTURE:

This is a tool I’ve found to be very effective in enabling me to really transform certain areas of my life. It involves creating or signing up to an external structure that includes like-minded people working on similar goals within your neglected area. Most obviously this would be a workshop, evening course or training. It could also be a mentorship programme or a residency of some kind. If you feel you know enough and it’s just about doing the thing, then go for a work-based project or start a group.

This has worked best for me when it has involved a significant investment of time, money or energy. It also really helps to be collaborating with others, rather than relying on your own limited resources. It’s all about commitment, connection and accountability. If you’re short of time or money, there are plenty of more manageable ways to get proactive: join an online community, Facebook group or find a new tribe via MeetUp. The important thing is to use the structure to support your transition from isolation, inactivity and procrastination, into positive engagement!

Need help finding the right affirmation or supportive structure for your neglected area? Message me or post in the comments below.

6. Inject new INSPIRATION:

Many of these pointers are based on the premise that if it’s us and our thinking that got us where we are now, then we might need to open up and let in some new thoughts and ideas. Moreover, those people that influenced us most as we were growing up weren’t necessarily equipped to teach us the things we needed to know. So, if that early learning is not serving us now, it’s up to us to update it. Read autobiographies of happy and successful people, imbibe spiritual wisdom, watch YouTube tutorials, gorge on TedTalks, go to events, listen to speakers – do whatever you can do to inform and inspire yourself in exactly the way you need right now.

QUESTION: What are some of the ways you have nurtured your neglected areas and brought about change in your life?

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