“Making Tea the Proper British Way”
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For anyone seeking citizenship or settlement in the United Kingdom, there is a compulsory 45-minute test, entitled “Life in the UK”: 24 multiple-choice questions about British traditions and customs. If I had any say in the matter, I would insist that at least one question be dedicated to our noble national treasure – namely, tea – with compulsory viewing of a video tutorial on making tea the proper British way.
Becoming a British Citizen – Life in the UK Test
The British Way: well-brewed, with milk (please)
You see, there’s a worrying trend tip-toeing into this country that must be stamped out before it becomes, God forbid, standard. It comes from the continent. I know this because the continent is where I first encountered it.
If I ask for a cup of tea in a French café or restaurant, for example, I will be brought a cup and saucer, with some well-off-the-boil water in it and a tea bag in a sachet on the side. By the time I’ve struggled with the sachet – palms sweaty, fingers trembling – and got the bag in, the water is lukewarm. I leave it to brew for a minute, poking the bag with my teaspoon and sighing. Milk added, I raise the cup to my lips: by now – cold milky water, with the tiniest tinge of tea. I push it away, miserable and muttering: “Mon Dieu, mon Dieu, mon Dieu!”
And that’s not even the worst of it. I’ve been in some places where the tea bag is not even in the saucer, not even within reach. It is squeezed into a stainless-steel sachet holder, further along the table, just beyond the baguette basket and bottles of eau minerale gazeuse; much-loved English Breakfast hidden amongst the mint, forest fruits and camomile. You can just imagine my anxiety. Not only is this going to take time, it’s also going to require cooperation and rummaging. It’s too much. I give up and order a jus d’orange.
Tea-drinking / Coffee-drinking cultures of the EU
Having such high tea standards has been known to almost ruin holidays – not just in France, but elsewhere on the continent too; for Belgium, Germany, Spain, Portugal and Italy are all the same when it comes to tea – clueless! So I take my tea bags with me now, along with my travel kettle, so I can at least get my fix first thing before heading out to enjoy what the local culture has to offer, beyond hot beverages.
But now, alas and alack, I find myself defenceless against this pervasive practice on my own turf! This other, alien way of making and serving tea has now infiltrated Britain, via the multitudes of cafes and restaurants set up, or at least staffed by incoming (coffee-drinking) EU nationals. As a result, I can no longer depend upon a properly-made, properly-brewed cuppa, in my own country. This is because the people serving it have no idea how to make it. Quite simply – they have never been trained.
Making Tea the Proper British Way – VIDEO TUTORIAL #1 (1941)
So I’m going to get this off my chest, once and for all:
If us Brits can learn how to make good coffee – proper, fresh, filtered coffee – then the non-Brits seeking to make a home here can jolly well learn how to make a good cup of tea. Why? Because Britain is a tea-drinking culture, that’s why. So it would be the decent thing to do.
I may be a left-leaning liberal, but when it comes to the Great British Cuppa – along with other esteemed heirlooms like English language, punctuation and spelling – I have a staunchly conservative or Conservative streak.
Definitions of Conservatism
Certainly – when it comes to UK politics, the Conservatives have long had a value about preserving things: our heritage and culture, as well as Britain’s standing in the world. This is an idea supported by Roger Scruton, author of ‘How to be a Conservative’:
“We have collectively inherited good things that we must strive to keep”;
“… political life ought to have one overriding goal, which is to hold fast to those things, in order to pass them on to our children”;
“… conservatism is a culture of affirmation. It is about the things we value and the things we wish to defend.”.
According to Google, Conservatism is ‘a commitment to traditional values and ideas, with opposition to change’. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as ‘a disposition in politics to preserve what is established’.
Preserve and protect – the Great British Cuppa!
I voted to remain in the EU because I value a progressive, inclusive, open, multi-cultural society, with all the opportunities and richness that this brings. But there is still a small part of me (made big here) that remains intolerant, that resists change – that wants to see certain aspects of British culture preserved and protected. I could cope without bunting and pageantry, and as a gluten-free pescetarian I’m not overly bothered about cream teas, buttered crumpets or Sundays roasts – but I do like my tea.
Making Tea the Proper British Way – VIDEO TUTORIAL #2 (2015)
Making Tea the Proper British Way – VIDEO TUTORIAL #3 (2015)
The national salve to all our sores
I’m clearly not the only Brit to feel this way. Tea is the national salve to all our sores. There is no problem or bad day that couldn’t be eased by the ritual sharing of a ‘nice cuppa tea’. Watch Eastenders or any other British soap and you’ll see – it often plays such a pivotal role in these TV programmes, it deserves a feature of its own in the final credits.
So. As national citizens of an ever-evolving country and culture, how can we preserve and protect that which we each hold dear, while also being open to change?
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QUESTION: In your own culture – what are the things you would like to preserve and protect?
Click here for another post on tea: “Me and Rosie Lee”
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8 Comments
christopher dance
Hi Dear Tracy, I do share your love of a good English cuppa I have to say (even though for the past 4 years, since giving up cows milk, I use Soya and have to say find it delicious!), and, like you, travel with my own stash of Clipper organic..But what we have to remember about our European brothers and sisters is that they like their tea black, which means you have to use a much milder, smaller tea bag -ie, the much derided Liptons. I used to hate this stuff but actually as a black tea (served with some sugar and Sage (as they do in Palestine), or a slice of lemon, on a hot day – delicious. You can’t make good black tea with clipper organic or any other tea bag deigned for the British palate and, conversely, you can’t make a British cuppa with a liptons tea bag – they are different drinks!
Secondly, the idea that the British have learned to make coffee? Don’t get me started! It’s 90% crap, crap, crap! When was the last time you had a really good coffee on this island? All this bloody locally sourced, blah blah blended hipster barista bollox, either that or the 1/2 gallon cups of slurry they serve at Costa and Starbucks. I’ve given up!
I was in Portugal recently, of the 42 estimated coffees I had, every single one was a masterpiece and not one served by a bearded tatooed hipster calling himself a barista..
Much love and lets have a cuppa sometime xx
Tracy Starreveld
Hi Chris – thanks for your brilliant comment!
Your first point re: different tea tastes/styles was really interesting, and your second point re: UK coffee was hysterical!
I could really ‘hear’ your frustration!
Thanks for the giggle and yes, let’s share a cuppa sometime soon,
Tx
Raphael
I would argue that some English people might not know how to make a proper cuppa either because that is not their ‘cup of tea’ or they just don’t give a shit about it and that it is still down to the restaurant/cafe to properly train their staff. Like anything, you can make it an art or keep it at a mediocre level, it boils down mainly to how much you care for your client I suppose.
I’m myself quite fascinated with how the Japanese have made the art of green tea such a spiritual, complex and enlightening ceremony. Having a cup of tea then has the potential to become a spiritual experience both for the one who made it and for the one who receives it. Also I would argue that you can truly taste the care of the person who made the tea (this is the same with food).
Certainly there are things to preserve and protect and you don’t need to be of any political party to act.
As a Belgian national I would like to preserve the art of making good « frittes » (chips), beers and chocolates…!
Tracy Starreveld
Thanks for ‘chipping’ in, Raphael 😉
You’re right that plenty of English people don’t brew tea properly, either!
Having just visited Belgium, I can tell you your beloved Belgian chips are (still) GORGEOUS!
Tracy.
Janey
Hi Tracy,
This is hilarious!! I laughed out loud firstly at your mention of Brits making ‘good’ coffee and secondly follow by ‘filtered’ coffee… Haha… let’s just say good coffee and filtered coffee should never be used together! ;p but I forgive you since you are clearly a tea drinking Brit more so than a coffee drinker! 🙂 I have to agree with both commenters above. Having moved from Australia, I’ve had to convert to drinking tea because coffee here is OH SO bad! However, I have to say ordering a properly brewed cup of tea in London is becoming rarer and rarer even in places that appear to be pretty British. Fortunately though, more and more Aussie/Kiwi coffee shops have popped up around London so I can go back to indulging in what I call excellent coffee again!! 🙂
Great post… Thanks for the giggles!
J xx
Tracy Starreveld
Hi Janey,
So glad my post gave you a good giggle : )
You’re right – I’m not a coffee-drinker at all so I welcome any comments and corrections by coffee lovers!!
I didn’t realise coffee was seen to be so poor quality in this country until my readers started responding and telling me!
When I was growing up in the UK in the 80s – I only remember people drinking instant coffee. That was the norm then. It was the 90s when I remember people starting to drink and make fresh coffee using a cafetiere and at the time it seemed like a huge leap forward!
Since I’ve given it up – about 15 years ago – the coffee industry has exploded in this country – in terms of sheer diversity of options, but of course that doesn’t mean it’s any better quality!
Thanks for commenting!
Tracy.
George Kattenbeck
Dear Tracy,
Allow me to speak for Germany: I can tell you, that the tea situation in Germany is exactly as bad as you wrote, but it is in good old Germany just as bad as it is in 101% of all other countries ! We travel a lot and I can promise: it is everywhere worldwide – even in Bavaria – THE SAME !!! Bad Tea !!!! Just a tea bag with a cup of luke warm water.
And what about those strange 1% ?? It is my personal punishment and disappointment about the tea culture in: Great Britain !!! The great land of the the world’s most famous tea drinkers !
Now it is time to tell you a little personal story:
Seriously ! Great Britain ! England ! It always was my model for high culture in “tea” and knowledge about tea and producing tea (ok, your slaves in india….but still….) and handling tea and trading tea and making tea and drinking tea !
In the seventies I had my most activities concerning political work, developing my philosophy of life, fighting and demonstrations for peace, environment, against Pershing II and cruise missiles from USA and SS 20 from UDSSR, tye-dying my own clothes, listen patiently to women and understanding what they want, learning how to crochet and so on…. and: I tried to making nice tea (like they probably do in England !) or so I thought. I read: To make nice tea I had to buy a stylish glass tea pot with a candle underneath and a metal tea strainer in it …. looked beautiful. Then I bought Assam or Darjeeling first flush, expensive but it was necessary ! Then I boiled water, waited a little bit to coooooool the water down to something around 95°, you should not shock the tea leaves and destroy the fine flavour ! Then put the tea in and wait, admire the changing colour (on the bottom darker brown and getting lighter and lighter on top until it looked like pure G O L D ! Put on nice classical or chillout music, light the candles and sit close beside your girlfriend …..
In 1977 I went to England for my first time and found out:
A whole nation, a former mighty and highly respected empire, heats up simple tap water to dip a tiny amount of old dry leaves in a bag in it – waits a second to colour the water (it still reminds me of painting with water colours instead of painting with oil colours !!), adds a drop of milk AND then enjoys the mud-brown result, at a time where other countries already invented e.g. Beer, Wine, Coffee, Chocolate, Lassi and proper brewed tea (Far East) – this was really a great disappointment and was a shock for me to find out that the English tea drinking culture does not really exist! It’s just a tea bag in a cup, not some beautiful precious leaves in a china pot with china cups, sugar cubes served with sugar tongs and milk served in a china jug.
Seriously: Is throwing broken tea leaves in a sachet into boiling water really “culture” ?
Just to let you know: I am a coffee drinker 🙂 ! Not Instant coffee out of a jar or served in waxed paper, but freshly perculated. I could write you a whole essay on what a fussy coffee drinker I am and what disgustingly weak catspiss coffee they make in most countries (Germany included 😉 )
Best wishes,
George.
Tracy Starreveld
Dear George
It is, indeed, a rather sorry state of affairs that our last ‘tea standard’ still standing is only about letting the bag brew a bit before chucking in the milk.
What happened to the rest of it?! You are so right to raise the question!
There are still a few places in the UK serving tea as you described so poetically, wistfully, even romantically : ) !!
Tea is often made with leaves, not a bag, and brewed in a proper teapot – in such places as:
1) department store restaurants, e.g.: John Lewis, Debenhams, Selfridges;
2) properly posh places like Harrods, Fortnum & Mason’s or The Ritz;
3) some of what I call the ‘middle-class cafes’ – the colourful, arty, alternative places you get in trendy, student/creative areas.
4) traditional tearooms, including those out-of-town/regional places serving cream teas.
But probably in most places you just get the bag, and if you’re really lucky, the bag will be already in the cup brewing by the time it reaches your table.
These days, I content myself with that as a ‘minimum requirement’.
I’m sorry and sad that you encountered such low standards and felt such disappointment when you first visited Britain in 1977!
Thank you so much for sharing your story : )
Tracy.