“Do You Need an Accountability Buddy?”
Since August, I have completed four different challenges with two friends, and am now halfway through my fifth! My earlier experience of working with a life coach for three months had really shown me the benefits of being held to account. I didn’t have the budget to continue with the coaching but didn’t want to lose the momentum that had been built up by that regular 1-1 contact and support. These were the key factors, you see, in helping me to make more consistent progress with my goals: accountability and support.
BLOG #18: Life Coaching and Accountability
But did I need a life coach for these things?
Friendship and accountability
When I talked to friends about it, they expressed a similar need for accountability in certain areas of their lives. Two male friends had long been wanting and trying to reduce their intake of meat and alcohol, but were struggling to do it on willpower alone. I had been making good progress with my goals but there were still things I wanted to work on.
And so, the accountability challenges began …
It started in the summer, with my friend Chris – documented below in my August blog posts – then continued throughout September, October and into November – with my other friend Simon.
BLOG #13: Could You Give Up Your Favourite Food for One Week? Part 1
BLOG #14: Could You Give Up Your Favourite Food for One Week? Part 2
This is how and why it worked for us:
1. It involved us either giving up something ‘bad’ (such as meat, alcohol, caffeine or snacking) or taking on something ‘good’ (such as drinking more water, a daily walk/run or morning meditation).
2. What made it manageable is that it was only for a limited period of time. We would only agree to a challenge with a clear end-date, and one we felt we had a good chance of completing.
3. The knowledge that we were not doing it alone made all the difference. Our challenges didn’t need to be the same; just knowing that someone else was attempting something difficult at the same time, helped us to not feel isolated in our efforts.
4. Accountability took the form of an initial ‘contract’ (verbal or written) that clearly stated our intentions – followed by regular check-ins by phone, text, WhatsApp or email, to help us stay on track.
5. We would also decide how often we would check in. Simon and I started out with daily check-ins by text, but later reduced it down to once-weekly phone calls.
6. During these check-ins, we would share how it was going, how easy or difficult we were finding it, and what we were discovering along the way.
What makes a good accountability buddy?
Someone you like and trust, who wants you to succeed.
Someone who is willing and able to have regular contact and accountability.
Someone who can be honest, as well as sympathetic and supportive.
Surprising discoveries
Chris gave up meat for one week, as part of our first challenge. Before this he was eating it at least twice daily and could not imagine being without it. He immediately felt better and when he tried to re-introduce it just felt really nauseous and tired. Within a few weeks of finishing the challenge he had stopped eating meat all together.
I had succeeded in giving up black tea during my coaching period but had sneakily replaced this with green tea so still wasn’t fully free of my caffeine crutch. In my first challenge with Simon, I set out only to take a break from it; I was not at all ready to give it up. But after one week off, feeling better and with the worst of the cravings now behind me, I decided to let it go.
What we learned from our accountability challenges:
We didn’t entirely understand why, but working with an accountability buddy made a huge difference. With someone else serving as our witness, we were just not going to screw up. There was definitely an element of not wanting to look flaky or lame; not wanting to let the other person down or feel their disappointment in us. It’s also worth noting that the challenges were rarely as hard as we expected them to be. Nearly every time, it was much easier. But even the toughest moments ended up serving as useful reference points – proof that we could do (or do without) that thing and feel better as a result. These felt like significant stepping stones to future greater achievements.
In closing:
It wouldn’t be good, of course, if we were totally dependent on others and incapable of doing anything for ourselves. I do think, however, that we have been a tad obsessed with this notion of self-sufficiency. Us humans are social creatures after all – capable of connection, empathy and kindness. It’s also human to be weak-willed and wishy-washy at times, so maybe we should give ourselves a break. Why not make good use of our friendships in positive, mutually-beneficial ways, rather than insisting – and often struggling – to do everything on our own?
I met a guy in my yoga class last week whose accountability of choice is to commit his monthly goals to a friend, with a promise to pay him £100 if he fails! Technology has jumped on the bandwagon too, with accountability apps such as StickK and GoFuckingDoIt … that invite you to pledge a sum of money to a cause – friend, foe, charity or anti-charity – to bump up your motivation.
OK, it’s good to have options – but we don’t need money or apps here! If we’re fortunate enough to have people in our lives who care about us, then they might just be one of our best resources yet.
QUESTION: What positive experiences have you had in working with a friend or family member on a particular goal?
6 Accountability Apps That Will Skyrocket Your Success
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4 Comments
Tom Hawkins
Really good read. Am interested in getting/being an accountability buddy.
Tracy Starreveld
Hi Tom
Thanks for commenting – very glad you enjoyed it!
Why not send this blog post to a friend you think may be interested, and see if you can tempt them to join you on a challenge?
Tracy : )
Tracy Lloyd-Evans
This is a good one Tracy. I like the simplicity of it and manageable goals.
It reminds me of a Landmark course I did once. But there we had a project team to answer to or a buddy.
Landmark say the first level of Integrity is to be ‘true to your word’. Do what you said you will do. If you say it to another person it’s ‘out there’ and you are accountable. It really worked for me too.
Tracy Starreveld
Hello fellow Tracy!
Thanks for taking the time to comment on my post – very glad you enjoyed it : )
I’ve heard a lot about Landmark but never taken any of their courses.
Accountability does seem to make all the difference – wherever and however we get it!
Tracy : )