“Dealing with Difficulty”

This is a pretty hot topic for me right now. I’m well into my second year of a weekly yoga course and yet there are still some postures I just can’t do. If truth be told, I’m a bit scared of headstand and can’t help thinking I’m a bit old to be balancing on my head! And I’ve barely got started with ‘bane of my life’, Uddiyana Bandha – the upward abdominal lock that defeats me every time.

Dealing with difficulty in learning

It reminds me of the struggle I had with music theory at school. I loved playing the piano but hated doing theory. My first teacher didn’t make me do any theory exams, but by the time I got to Music GCSE I had to have Grade 5. By then I was way behind everyone else, and it was depressingly difficult. Like Uddiyana Bandha – I just didn’t want to do it.

Now, as a mature adult, I look back on this with interest:

Why did I hate it so much?

– Because it was hard for me.

Why was it so hard?

– Because I hadn’t spent enough time learning the basics.

Dealing with difficulty by avoiding it!

Few people enjoy being out of their depth or doing things they are rubbish at. If we are honest with ourselves, most of us have at some point avoided something we find difficult, perhaps repeatedly. Avoiding the difficult thing is an excellent way of escaping the discomfort that comes with facing it. If we do try – we risk failing, right? We also run the risk of feeling bad, looking stupid and being judged – most harshly, probably, by ourselves.

The rewards of pushing through difficulty, however, are almost always worth the effort:

1. Increased self-esteem:

Even if we don’t get the exact results we were after, the fact we even tried at all can be enough to make us feel good about ourselves and to develop our sense of self-respect.

2. An opportunity to make progress:

Not trying is a very effective formula for staying stuck. When we see that we are beginning to make progress, however small or slow, it gives us the motivation we need to continue.

3. The possibility of results and success:

It’s incredibly satisfying to see that something you previously couldn’t do or were scared to do is now manageable, enjoyable or even easy!

Dealing with difficulty in practice

Back to my yoga! In the first year of my course, I only practised the really difficult postures when I had to – once a week, in class! Funnily enough, this didn’t help much. I am now finding ways to ‘approach’ these postures that feel manageable while also moving me in the right direction.

With headstand, I’m now at least practising the asanas designed to prepare the body for the full posture – not so easy either! With the abdominal lock, I’ve broken it down into smaller parts and am practising these first. This asana is also one of a group of postures for the abdomen (and third chakra), all of which I find hard. Rather than avoiding these, I’m now including them in my daily practice so I’m working on the same weak area via multiple routes. What also helps is reminding myself that I’m not the only one struggling and recognising the progress I’ve made overall.

Interestingly, yoga – which was, in my 20s and 30s, an excuse for a bit of light-weight limbering up – is now, in my 40s, becoming an exercise in regularly meeting my edges and pushing through difficulty.

When it’s not about pushing through …

The answer is not always practice makes perfect, though. Sometimes it is about identifying the underlying issue and getting the appropriate support. When I was at school, I also hated sport. It’s not just because I was more creative than sporty. It’s also because I was iron-deficient – I later found out – which left me with poor stamina. I hated rounders because it involved running. I hated swimming because the teacher just made us ‘do lengths’. When it comes to serious hindrances such as these, ‘pushing through’ is generally not the answer. An anaemic student needs iron supplementation, in the same way that a dyslexic student may need extra time in exams. But this is not the focus of this particular post.

Choosing our battles

None of us need to be good at everything, of course. It’s not about having to tackle every single thing we can’t do! It’s about choosing our battles and our timing.

I knew I had to get a handle on music theory when I started teaching piano! I had to take responsibility for my own learning by going back to the beginning and filling in the gaps. Having a good reason or sense of urgency helps us find the motivation.

In closing …

It’s not rocket science, but it is worth remembering:

We often hate things because we find them difficult. By not investing the time and energy into practising, learning and developing, we are only denying ourselves the chance to move beyond the difficulty, towards real competence and confidence.

Rather than avoiding it all together, we can choose to find positive ways to approach it, however slowly.

QUESTION: What thing/s do you find difficult and what small steps could you take towards it?

 

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